My friend Andrew emphasized how awkward life is during our Tuesday night bible study. Awkwardness is wafting all over this planet. We find it in everything from a poorly executed fist pound or hand shake, to a misinterpreted expression on the playground, to the "important" business meeting that you have nothing to report, to trying to understand the opposite gender. It was great to explore this with the guys during our discussion on the book of Daniel. Life's awkwardness is something that had been reoccurring to me in the recent few months and has started to show itself in a different light. A light of opportunity. Most of the time we don't like to feel awkward, but only recently have I enjoyed awkwardness for what it is. A simple and powerful experience/emotion when feeling out of place.
It seems to want to create fear...on the contrary, let awkwardness bring smiles. We have a choice to let it paralyze us or we can laugh in it's face and thrive on it. Since it is mainly experienced by the combination of our actions juxtaposed to others, awkwardness nags at us to not take a risk, to stay home with fear of failure and looking like an idiot. Do not eliminate this experience that God allows in our lives, but turn that into wings to soar. It may seem like trying to fly with bricks instead of wings, but what do you think the first airplane was made of?...eh? Yeah, that's right.
Daniel had to go and be awkward but he didn't care, so it was actually opportunity acting against the kings request that nobody worship anything other than him for a certain amount of time...
Faith is awkward. Love your awkwardness. Sometimes lions don't eat people.
October 25, 2007
October 11, 2007
Ahhh hell no, wassup dawg?
Today I walked my brother's dog. Tally is a middle-aged small black lab mix and when she gets riled up, she does a sort of Bill Cosby dance, waving her paws in the air and spinning around in circles. When she's outside and unleashed, you can really appreciate her acceleration speed as she often performs a wheelie. The torque produced from her back legs is unsurpassed. I was running and walking with this wheelie poppin' unleashed maniacally fast dog when suddenly another dog comes grunting around from behind a neighbors house to visit.
A bulldog. Stout, round and pug-nosed. Drooling everywhere, and even leaving globs of white bubbly spit on Tally sleek black coat, this dog is the epitome of ugly-cute-disgusting-ness. I watched, entertained as Tally ran around this grunt of a four legged creature, almost taunting as it bumbled along after her in attempt to play. I felt bad for her awkwardness and yet saw her beauty, yes, the bulldog is female (I would have assume otherwise except that it wore a pink flowery collar).
I named her Shmuggles.
Shmuggles followed us everywhere despite my encouragement for her to return home. She tried to keep up with Tally, snorting and sucking air all the while. Her rumply skin shifted loosely over her brick-like build as her legs tilted inward and barely bent at the knees. Shmuggles is like a squaty bodybuilder of a dog; pristine awkwardness. Tally and I ran home and as I was about to let Tally inside when Shmuggles caught up and thrusted her nose into the cracked door. The force shocked me, but I held her back.
Tally and I were inside for a bit when unexpectedly, the doorbell rang.
Shmuggles...
And a elderly lady...
"she was following me, and I didn't want her to get to far from home."
"Ummm, Shmuggles isn't my dog."
"Oh...she was right here on your front stoop before she started following me."
We chatted for awhile as we walked Shmuggles back toward the house I saw her come from about 20 minutes prior, and behold, the neighbor, a 30-ish year old man saw her and started bumbling yearningly toward.
"Where have you been! Don't you ever do that again!" He lovingly scolded his dog, then proceed to pick her up and kiss her. Addressing the lady and I "She's never done that before. Thank you so much for bringing her back." Tears were almost flowing. Kiss kiss kiss. Shmuggles was smothered. Hmmm, I felt weird. I told him it was no problem, glad to, she was just one street over, and began to wonder if the dog felt deep shame for being so babied. I was so surprised that someone would be almost hysterical over a dog wandering one street over in a cookie cutter, cul-de-sac, suburban neighborhood. I am sad that Shmuggles has been brought up in a box. A dog running away is difficult though especially with the worry of a nearby highway. It's a beautiful thing that he loves his dog so much, but sheesh, his manliness level just dropped by 8 points. I understand the idea of a dog being man's best friend, because of their loyalty, and I love my dog too, but it's also interesting to think of the contrary.
Some cultures eat dogs.
We kiss them.
A bulldog. Stout, round and pug-nosed. Drooling everywhere, and even leaving globs of white bubbly spit on Tally sleek black coat, this dog is the epitome of ugly-cute-disgusting-ness. I watched, entertained as Tally ran around this grunt of a four legged creature, almost taunting as it bumbled along after her in attempt to play. I felt bad for her awkwardness and yet saw her beauty, yes, the bulldog is female (I would have assume otherwise except that it wore a pink flowery collar).
I named her Shmuggles.
Shmuggles followed us everywhere despite my encouragement for her to return home. She tried to keep up with Tally, snorting and sucking air all the while. Her rumply skin shifted loosely over her brick-like build as her legs tilted inward and barely bent at the knees. Shmuggles is like a squaty bodybuilder of a dog; pristine awkwardness. Tally and I ran home and as I was about to let Tally inside when Shmuggles caught up and thrusted her nose into the cracked door. The force shocked me, but I held her back.
Tally and I were inside for a bit when unexpectedly, the doorbell rang.
Shmuggles...
And a elderly lady...
"she was following me, and I didn't want her to get to far from home."
"Ummm, Shmuggles isn't my dog."
"Oh...she was right here on your front stoop before she started following me."
We chatted for awhile as we walked Shmuggles back toward the house I saw her come from about 20 minutes prior, and behold, the neighbor, a 30-ish year old man saw her and started bumbling yearningly toward.
"Where have you been! Don't you ever do that again!" He lovingly scolded his dog, then proceed to pick her up and kiss her. Addressing the lady and I "She's never done that before. Thank you so much for bringing her back." Tears were almost flowing. Kiss kiss kiss. Shmuggles was smothered. Hmmm, I felt weird. I told him it was no problem, glad to, she was just one street over, and began to wonder if the dog felt deep shame for being so babied. I was so surprised that someone would be almost hysterical over a dog wandering one street over in a cookie cutter, cul-de-sac, suburban neighborhood. I am sad that Shmuggles has been brought up in a box. A dog running away is difficult though especially with the worry of a nearby highway. It's a beautiful thing that he loves his dog so much, but sheesh, his manliness level just dropped by 8 points. I understand the idea of a dog being man's best friend, because of their loyalty, and I love my dog too, but it's also interesting to think of the contrary.
Some cultures eat dogs.
We kiss them.
October 09, 2007
Night Flight
Riding back to Fletcher's house last Sunday night, I noticed a new sensation of relaxation and tugging comfort begin forming as I picked up speed on my blue and black radical road rocket. While wearing a full-faced helmet, the only air I feel on my mug is from a small vent that lets wind flow smoothly through and keeps the visor from fogging, but that night was different. For the first time, my beard reached out from under the protection of padding and plastic to ride free and experience the 75 mph wind resistance to live on the edge. He struggled to reach out of his bunker, outstretching the longest of his feelers to allow whiskers to be whisked Mr. Beard reached a new level of living, of experience, of wisdom. A constant pull and release vibration on my chin. Tickle fancy; drug of simplicity.
I enjoy noticing the simple things. The beauty that surrounds our frequently numbed and unaware eyes would reach us if only we could give it due time in the conscious. Being on two wheels at night helps me with that; both motor and pedal style. The fresh and exhilarating autumn night air blesses faces and brings alive the keen olfactory sensors, bringing me into a middle ground of dream and reality, an ethereally esoteric ride of a fine line that keeps me present enough to see deer passing in front yet takes me into a restful sphere of prayer. I thank God. Credit God for the creation of beauty, and our ability to be enveloped in it.
On my pedal-produced passage on Monday night to the Advanced Auto Parts about 8.21 miles away, I passed a lady with a huge “dog.” She stood to the side as I passed on the other side of the sidewalk holding her beast, whose head is the size of a large angry watermelon. The dawg pulled, standing on its back legs swiping the air with its petrifying claws and gnashing, drool-spilling jowls. The fur was short, sleek, variations of dark grey as if designed to be a stealthy suburban stalker. I pedaled faster and thanked God for the woman’s powerful grip on the leash.
The trip was for 10-40 motorcycle oil because the place in
October 02, 2007
living in the moment?
Nope.
I have a confession.
I'm living for tomorrow.
The present is slipping by with rare notice and little expectation of beauty. Everything is so simply complex. This strange balance of developing and prodding my dreams while living and participating in this very minute of life, and having an appreciative realization of where I've come from, is difficult. I have the "I'd rather be..." syndrome. It is strange though how I don't feel utterly discontent, just feel like I'm ready to escape this "greener on our side" grass. I feel very blessed to have the job I have right out of school. It really could turn into a great career if I were interested in climbing the ladder in the corporate video field (especially since they just got the go ahead for the new studio space to be built and finished by February, which also includes all new equipment), which would only be the case if I were in dire need of supporting an income inhaling, consumeristic family unit, which I am thankful I don't have yet. For now...
"Get me out of here on dove wings;
I want some peace and quiet
I want a walk in the country
I want a cabin in the woods
I'm desperate for a change
from rage and stormy weather."
psalm 55:4-8 (the message)
In context of this passage, David is of course tired of running from people trying to kill him...however, these words rung true for my incomparably pathetic situation as well.
Rage indeed.
As I was riding through the cookie-cutter neighborhood of suburbia-land, trying to navigate my way to the highway to get to work, I suddenly realized I had left my sunglasses inside... My eyes feel like they have huge holes scorched through them and my forehead and brow muscles ache from the downward anger scowl I held for 40 minutes attempting to shade my vision. It was fine at first, but really started to irritate me. Then I began to notice my clutch getting looser...gotta get that fixed soon. Upon arrival at work, my grim facial slant was stuck. I realize my silliness now, but in the moment of fury, I feel so justified. I don't like yelling explicatives in general and especially not while wearing a dome over my head that amplifies and reverberates my export of sound.
I get to stare at the sun on the way home too. Yay!
I'm over it.
Last night was the first Bible study with my pals Andrew, Isaac and Greg. We're reading through Daniel, and even after the first couple of chapters we really took a good lesson from him, seeking God and God's faithful response. He is who he is and is able to interpret King Neb's dream because of God, and Daniel fully and humbly gives Him credit.
"he reveals deep and hidden things;
he knows what is in the darkness,
and the light dwells with him."
(Daniel 2:22, ESV)
I had a realization in the word "dwell." As a metaphor, if we dwell with light (the things that dwell with God), we too will dwell with God. But, if we dwell with darkness, we are eluded by our own spirits that we are unseen, yet He know what is in the darkness.
It was great to spend time with some guys in similar situations. We have that common bond of not knowing what is next in life. The painful ambiguity that so many honest early twenties feel. Our joy was multiplied by an ice cream run, in which my lucky, pre-sun-scorched eyes caught the glimmer of hope for ice cream as we know it... Peanut Butter and Jelly ice cream.
Divine.
Tonight I'll put a chopped up banana in it, after Into the Wild that is.
Fletcher and I are going to see Into the Wild, which will only fan the flame of urgency...that this life was meant for something more. The reason we're going...I kept blabbing about this movie to my co-workers down in the basement/office and Darian showed me that three radio stations were giving out passes for the movie if you registered online. We both submitted our e-raffle ticket to all three stations during our "lunch" break and thought nothing more of it, until a few days later (monday) when Darian gets off his cell phone:
"Guess who just won two tickets to Into the Wild!"
I gave him an excitedly jealous high-five and moved back to my desk to mourn.
(20 minutes later)
"Guess who just won another pass for two to Into the Wild!"
"you jerk!" I said jokingly while truly being amazed at his luck/blessedness. I was indeed happy for he and the three friends he would take. Seriously I was. The next day he tossed, onto my desk, one of the passes for two as he walked into work... Such a nice guy that "Evil Darian" (nick name from long ago).
My aim today...live now and focus on the positive things of this life gift.
Phil 4:8
I have a confession.
I'm living for tomorrow.
The present is slipping by with rare notice and little expectation of beauty. Everything is so simply complex. This strange balance of developing and prodding my dreams while living and participating in this very minute of life, and having an appreciative realization of where I've come from, is difficult. I have the "I'd rather be..." syndrome. It is strange though how I don't feel utterly discontent, just feel like I'm ready to escape this "greener on our side" grass. I feel very blessed to have the job I have right out of school. It really could turn into a great career if I were interested in climbing the ladder in the corporate video field (especially since they just got the go ahead for the new studio space to be built and finished by February, which also includes all new equipment), which would only be the case if I were in dire need of supporting an income inhaling, consumeristic family unit, which I am thankful I don't have yet. For now...
"Get me out of here on dove wings;
I want some peace and quiet
I want a walk in the country
I want a cabin in the woods
I'm desperate for a change
from rage and stormy weather."
psalm 55:4-8 (the message)
In context of this passage, David is of course tired of running from people trying to kill him...however, these words rung true for my incomparably pathetic situation as well.
Rage indeed.
As I was riding through the cookie-cutter neighborhood of suburbia-land, trying to navigate my way to the highway to get to work, I suddenly realized I had left my sunglasses inside... My eyes feel like they have huge holes scorched through them and my forehead and brow muscles ache from the downward anger scowl I held for 40 minutes attempting to shade my vision. It was fine at first, but really started to irritate me. Then I began to notice my clutch getting looser...gotta get that fixed soon. Upon arrival at work, my grim facial slant was stuck. I realize my silliness now, but in the moment of fury, I feel so justified. I don't like yelling explicatives in general and especially not while wearing a dome over my head that amplifies and reverberates my export of sound.
I get to stare at the sun on the way home too. Yay!
I'm over it.
Last night was the first Bible study with my pals Andrew, Isaac and Greg. We're reading through Daniel, and even after the first couple of chapters we really took a good lesson from him, seeking God and God's faithful response. He is who he is and is able to interpret King Neb's dream because of God, and Daniel fully and humbly gives Him credit.
"he reveals deep and hidden things;
he knows what is in the darkness,
and the light dwells with him."
(Daniel 2:22, ESV)
I had a realization in the word "dwell." As a metaphor, if we dwell with light (the things that dwell with God), we too will dwell with God. But, if we dwell with darkness, we are eluded by our own spirits that we are unseen, yet He know what is in the darkness.
It was great to spend time with some guys in similar situations. We have that common bond of not knowing what is next in life. The painful ambiguity that so many honest early twenties feel. Our joy was multiplied by an ice cream run, in which my lucky, pre-sun-scorched eyes caught the glimmer of hope for ice cream as we know it... Peanut Butter and Jelly ice cream.
Divine.
Tonight I'll put a chopped up banana in it, after Into the Wild that is.
Fletcher and I are going to see Into the Wild, which will only fan the flame of urgency...that this life was meant for something more. The reason we're going...I kept blabbing about this movie to my co-workers down in the basement/office and Darian showed me that three radio stations were giving out passes for the movie if you registered online. We both submitted our e-raffle ticket to all three stations during our "lunch" break and thought nothing more of it, until a few days later (monday) when Darian gets off his cell phone:
"Guess who just won two tickets to Into the Wild!"
I gave him an excitedly jealous high-five and moved back to my desk to mourn.
(20 minutes later)
"Guess who just won another pass for two to Into the Wild!"
"you jerk!" I said jokingly while truly being amazed at his luck/blessedness. I was indeed happy for he and the three friends he would take. Seriously I was. The next day he tossed, onto my desk, one of the passes for two as he walked into work... Such a nice guy that "Evil Darian" (nick name from long ago).
My aim today...live now and focus on the positive things of this life gift.
Phil 4:8
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